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Peace.......

How do we find it?
What does it mean?
Who holds the key?

Recently spent some time with friends hoping to expedite healing a riff that occurred some time ago. Whether I did or not is a moot point.......... The opportunity was given.

It caused me to think a bit after I closed down everything else....... everything from home to office. Came back and did some trivial things - did some laundry (ah, those wonderful mundane things that are a part of our lives), but was compelled to come back and write. (HATE when that happens cause it usually means more words are gonna come out then intended).

Am often asked how I came to know the peace that gives me so much strength on a constant basis. Doubt my past is that much different from anyone else's in terms of disappointments, hurt, anguish, etc. The details are, of course, but how we have dealt with them as individuals makes the difference in the ultimate outcome.

Do you look at the hurtful things as learning experiences? Do you look within yourself to heal from them, or do you depend on someone else to help you thru it? Do you wait for an apology, or do you look inside of yourself to forgive whether or not they ask for it? ..... Did you ever stop to think that their pride might well be in the way of an apology? ... I propose that if you look inside yourself and let the hurt that is INSIDE of you go, you're effecting healing within yourself and finding peace with yourself. Not talking about pretending that whatever occurred didn't "happen", but I'm talking about letting the hurt inside yourself GO, so that when they do approach you for reconciliation, you can HONESTLY say, "it's already forgiven." and KNOW within yourself that you are telling the truth.

Why am I suggesting such a different approach? Three reasons: emotional health, physical health, and it makes us more compassionate people.

There has been tons of research relating to emotional health, and the negative effect that hurtful feelings have on emotional well-being: isolation, depression, chemical dependency all being symptomatic. Not only does this approach provide an element of peace from within, but stresses that normally would tend to be exaggerated, become easier to deal with on a daily basis.
It is well-documented that emotional health goes hand in hand with physical health. Emotional stressors are MAJOR antagonists for asthmatics, and heart patients.

Finally, if we begin to understand each other to the point where we make it a daily practice to "walk in their shoes" before responding in anger, all involved are going to find it easier to NOT be angry, or respond in hurt. And, if the other person involved DOES become angry, it is THEIR problem and not yours. WHY is that?? Because you don't respond to something hurtful by striking back!!

A good example of this happened in my life a few weeks ago. Someone was convinced that I should "take her word" as being the "judgment" or "correct statement" about someone else that I know well. I explained that I wasn't going to make a judgment about the other party. She went on to get angry, telling me that she knew the other party far better than I do, and she knows the "truth".
Said told she was more than entitled to her opinion and judgments, but that the entitlement was equal - both sides were allowed. She became even angrier, then and began to yell at me with statements about my own personal character. Just smiled and told her that she entitled to make any decision about my character as well, and accept her right to do so in that as well. She went away angry, I went away at total peace with myself. Point to be made??..Refuse to demean someone else because of someone else's opinions/judgments, but acknowledged their right to feel anyway they want and don't answer to anyone else for who or the being that I am... My riles are simple

I answer to one "person" only and that is ME.
I accept the responsibility for who or what I am... Did what she said "hurt"?... Not particularly, I realized her comments were a "lashing out" because I would NOT be swayed in my opinion of anyone else based solely on her words.

We are taught in our religious training to "turn the other cheek". What does this imply? Don't allow yourself to be provoked into responding in kind. Easier said than done, you say? How about trying it with small issues first. Can you verbalize displeasure at the paperboy for throwing your newspaper in the flowerbeds repeatedly without becoming angry or ranting/yelling at him? How about something like, "Hey, where would you suggest we agree you throw my newspaper since it bothers me when it ends up in the flowerbed?" ... or, (I actually did something similar to this once) Cut a few blooms and meet the paperboy at the curb, tell him/her that you enjoy your flowers and would he like some to take home to give to someone special?

Amazingly enough, the more you use this sort of "positive" approach the easier it becomes to "practice" it. You see life totally different! Gradually, you even begin to see yourself differently. Your smile begins to come more often and from the inside. Your eyes begin to smile as well. The inner you begins to shine through and guess what? .... The greatest result, is that YOU realize that you are a nice person.

This is just one of the methods that I found helped me to find a sense of peace within myself....