Love or Lie?
Point & Click relationships Part 2

Several questions come to mind but there is only one that plagues this writer at the moment. How does one determine if the online relationship they have entered is really love or just a lie?

Sooooooooo, you point, click, and presto, the man/woman of your dreams sits before you or do they? Hmmmmm all I see is this monitor, but wait! Pictures have been exchanged, and maybe you've taken the initiative to make your guy/gal your desktop? Well, anyway, there you sit glued to your keyboard and monitor reading their vows of deep love and dreams of passionate, romantic evenings together. Your mind is filled with images, and your heart nears explosion from all the love you are feeling, right? Come on.... it's ok to admit it even if only to yourself. You head out to work or whatever fills your day and you can't wait to get back online with your special someone. The hours pass slowly and the day is long but finally...... ahhhhhh yes finally, you sit down and log on waiting for your prince/princess to show up on your buddy list.

Hmmmmmmm what's this? They aren't showing up? But they swear they love you and they SHOULD be here when YOU want them to be right? So why aren't they? You grab the phone, and dial their number, surely you have exchanged phone numbers by now, after all you are head over heals in love right? To your surprise they answer the phone, and explain their busy day and that they will be online after the evening meal or that last minute errand. Heyyyyyy what's that you hear in the background? Was that an Ut Oh from ICQ? And what is all the ticking in the background, is that the sound of keystrokes? How could that be? They just told you they weren't online, and yet those noises. Hey, just your imagination right? They lovvveeeeeee youuuuuuu. Or are they telling you lies? Are they playing games? How will you find out, or do you? After all you know what you heard.

You call in a few friends and start doing some checking right? Guess what? If you go looking for dirt, you will more than likely find some little tiny piece you make big enough to crush your heart. But they said they love you right? What's that mean to you? Does that mean that you get every bit of their attention when you are online? Does that mean they should want to spend every free moment online with you, or are you secure enough with yourself to allow them the same space you like to enjoy from time to time? Or do you share the time equally? Tough call, when you are in love and the only connection you have with your prince/princess is online or an expensive long distance call.

So things just aren't adding up now are they? You are getting nervous, and begin to fight curiosity and anxiety because you were soooooo sure that this was the one, and it was true love. So the next step is what? Come on..... You know ..... So many have done this in the past.
The secret screen name right? Hahahaha we are so sneaky! But guess what? Hahahahaha he/she has a secret screen name too! Hmmmmm it's not looking like true love after all is it?
It's beginning to look like one great big lie, and to avoiding being hurt we may feel compelled to protect our hearts by any means. Even to the extent of being undermining, manipulative, and deceitful. We spy, we play games, and we pretend to be someone we are not. But we are in LOVE and have to be sure right? Which are we now, the sweetheart, the hunter or the hunted? Time will tell..... Oh boy will it tell.

There he/she is online under their own name. Oh no! Do you sign on with your real name and go back to being in love, or do you go with the phony name, set the trap and start probing and prying to see where their heart really belongs? Who's living the lie now huh? Consider the consequences if you get caught! Is it worth it, and who will be hurt in the end? Granted some relationships have a very good chance of making it, but it's this writers guess that most are doomed to fail. Don't get caught in the cycle here if you don't find your true love in that first heartbreak. That cycle being repetition, and trust me, you will repeat your heartbreak if you stay with the old ways, so get out. Getting out doesn't mean boxing up your puter and hauling it to the goodwill store. It means don't jump into a point and click relationship without setting some kind of standards and near future goals. It's ok to have fun and flirt..... But when you feel a little more just like for someone..... Back up a step and consider what it is and where you want it to go.

Does anyone remember the days when you met your guy/gal at a dance? Oh that's right...... they don't have dances online do they? Does anyone remember when you had to walk or drive over to your guy/gals house to be with him or her? Hmmmm don't need keys for the computer and it's just down the hall... not too far to walk. Here's a major, major, major biggie for ya.......
Do you remember when you looked into your guy/gals eyes and said I love you, and do you remember how wonderful it was seeing the expression on their face? Ooops ... doesn't happen online here does it? OK..... To bring this to a close I would like to suggest just a couple of things I think are important in any relationship, and keep in mind these are my opinions and you are welcome to do with them as you please.

When you think it's more than just friendly chat ..... Get a number! Noooooooooo not ICQ....geeesh.... a phone number. Hopefully they aren't married and you are allowed to call them. Become friends first! I have rushed into my share of relationships before becoming good friends and guess what? Yep, they failed! Take your time, and get to know each other well, and that means if I ask you what their favorite perfume or cologne is in 3 months or what color their eyes are and you can't tell me...... you didn't even begin to get to know them. Be honest from the beginning, and set some ground rules. If you are a flirt then they have the same right to flirt right? Ahhhhhh I see some have double standards...... get rid of them, they are an obstacle, and I'm talking the double standards here not your potential mate. Ok ... gonna shorten this up real quick...... If any one of these last five elements, honesty, respect, communication, understanding, and forgiveness, are missing in your relationship, then chances are you don't have one, at least not the lasting kind you were hoping to find. Good luck to all you point and clickers out there.

Have a kind and gentle day.........

Phil Varley