If You Love Me ….

Oh how this phrase annoys me.  If there was ever a more manipulating or guilt inducing statement, I have yet to hear it.

I admit I have used these same words in the past, but I hope I have grown and become confident enough now to be far beyond such 'tactics' to  'get my own way' with my partner or loved ones.   Isn't that exactly what it is?  'A TACTIC?'
You want something or desire your partner or loved one to do something for you? So by using these four little words aren't you in fact 'stirring up' guilt feelings in them, and having them question their love for you, in the hopes that they will 'give in' to your request? 

I think a very common and significant example of using this 'tactic' would be when a partner asks you to give up one or more of your friends, or even family members.  He/She is so jealous of any other relationships/friendships that you have and this seems to be the only vice they can come up with to put a stop to your other friendship/relationships.  "If you Love me, You will…. "
How SAD!!!  Why can't we be satisfied with the love our partner gives us?  Why is it necessary to demand more?  Isn't it enough that he/she made the decision to be with you, and not someone else?  Why is there a need to ask them to 'give up' something important to them?   Fear?  Jealousy?  No Trust?

By putting demands such as this on your partner, you no longer have  'unconditional Love' between you both.   You have now set a pattern and 'conditions' on your relationship.   I believe this is where most relationships fail.
Love should be given freely, with no expectations.  Some may disagree, but think about this, when you truly love someone and you are 'free' to express that love to them with your own 'free will' is there anything you would not do for them?  Don't you make a point of putting their well being far ahead of all else?  

So wouldn't you agree that using this 'tactic' is unfair and somewhat childish in light of what you are doing to your relationship?
Perhaps you have some real 'issues' on trust, jealousy, or fear you ought to be seeking help for, instead of jeopardizing your relationship with laying guilt trips on your partner and asking them to give up their friends or whatever. 
Try discussing in a mature manner with your partner, your feelings, fears etc.  Be sure he/she understands your problem, But DON'T ask him/her to give up something for you.  Chances are your partner may be understanding and sympathetic to your issues and decide on his/her own to give up something for you for a while or for good….. but at least it will be 'his/her own choice' without the guilt.     So…. If You love them………….

Shan  ©
January 2,2003