*** Fear ***

Fear

What do you fear?

Fear is a common emotion that everyone experiences at some time in his or her life, if not everyday to some degree. There are things we fear a 'little' and things we fear 'greatly'. Our fears are totally individual as to the degree for each situation. It much depends on the perceived importance of the scenario we are facing.
Ok so lets examine why we fear. Are most fears unnecessary, wasted emotions? I think they are, yet also realize that they can be uncontrollable too, and very difficult to overcome. I suggest that fear is caused by either the 'unknown' or an unpleasant 'expectation'. Perhaps similar incidents have occurred in your past or that of someone you know, that will trigger the emotion.

I think the most common fear is, facing death. Some people are terrified of it and others have only a mild fear of it and a few do not fear it at all, but welcome it. Here is a good example of an 'unpleasant expectation' (fear) or a 'belief' that something wonderful awaits us upon our demise ('no fear' because of what one believes or 'mild fear' if there is an inkling of doubt).

When we 'fear' are we not expecting some kind of pain, either physical or emotional? Fear can be as simple as being afraid to speak to strangers, or telling someone you love them. This may not be so simple for someone who has experienced rejection, perhaps repeatedly in their past. In this case I would say that 'rejection' is the cause of the fear.

Would you agree that there are 'good' fears and 'bad' fears?
I also mentioned the fear of physical pain. Do most of us have a 'natural fear' (instinct?) to physical pain? (I say most, because there is a minority that actually like physical pain, but that's a whole different topic). I believe we do. In a situation where you can be physically harmed fear is a 'good thing' a natural alarm to danger. So may we assume that fear can work in the same way for our emotions? Is it an 'acquired fear' that we learn in order to protect our hearts and mind from pain? Could fear be a learned behavior, from a proven past, but sometimes be inappropriate for the new situation? Ie. we don't know the full details, but assume based on past experience. When we begin to get close to someone 'off goes that alarm!' warning us of the danger that 'could' happen. Is this then a 'bad' fear? I'm not sure, except that in many cases it will hinder any chance of having a significant relationship.

How do you react to your fears? Obviously how we react to our fears is of the utmost importance. You will find that fear can cause you to do things you never would have thought possible. It can give you unimaginable strength physically that you didn't know you had. Fear can cause you to Lie in hopes of avoiding the feared situation or perceived outcome. Fear can also cause mental and emotional sickness, sometimes physical sickness, the sweaty palms, headache, heart palpitations.

How then does one overcome their fears, allowing themselves to enjoy life, trust and love others, enabling them to build a solid, happy relationship? I don't have the answer but I can say that I do know firsthand about fear in this capacity. I call it 'insecurity' or a 'trust issue'. It has come from many years of disappointments and pain, and I don't believe it can be solved in a short time. The action I have been taking in order to deal with it is being totally honest with myself and others about it, in hopes that others will try to understand and help me with it. Sometimes just a little reassurance from the other person is all that is needed to help you overcome the fear. Unfortunately there are some individuals who will never understand or even try to. They consider it a 'weakness' to have fears about such things. Perhaps it is, but it is also cruel to have someone suffer unnecessarily.

I understand that having a relationship with a person who is battling these fears/issues can be a tedious endeavor. You sometimes need a LOT of patience depending on how deep the issues are for them. But I suggest that if you truly care about that person it is worth the effort. Imagine the day when that person says to you "I trust You".

There is so much that can be discussed on this topic, It is my hopes that you will join us in the forum and share your thoughts on all aspects of fear. I believe this topic can be of great help to many people and we can't help anyone if you don't participate... Hope to see you there!