The Test of Faith

The "Test of Faith" - nebulous words they are, grandiose at times, far too
easy words to hide behind, wonderful words to preach if all you can do is
regurgitate "words". But what truly is a "test of faith"?

How many of us have hit a wall, thought we have hit rock bottom, feel lost
and alone, no one to talk to, feel that no matter what we do - it's just not
good enough? How many of us have listened to those around us telling us what
we can't do, what isn't possible, how it was all our fault for being in that
place that you feel you are in because of past mistakes?

You look around, feel hopeless, feel helpless, people telling you go do that
"easy thing" - whatever it may be - get a job, make amends, pick yourself up
and just "go ahead" but when you ask them what exactly they mean - the words
disappear for they truly don't know. Oh yes, you hear the few who echo
"biblical chapter and verse" in a well meaning way but these very same
people cannot interpret the words they espouse. To use the vernacular of
today, they are "all talk and no action", not intentionally, not even
knowingly in most cases, for when "push comes to shove", the response is "oh
well, I don't know, you'll have to figure that out by yourself" - words you
didn't need to hear since you already knew that long before they were ever
uttered in that meaningless effort of helpfulness. So why do they profess
those words - in their own minds because they truly believe in what they are
saying but this is not about them - this is about you and the chasm you find
yourself facing.

One day you wake up and you have a choice; you can believe all that you have
heard and everything that you feel at that moment in time. You can hide, you
can distract yourself with the inconsequential, and you can give up. If you
do, who would blame you, certainly not those who have told you to keep on
"going" even though that everything you have done/are doing is wrong and/or
unrealistic. Really now, they are the "I told you so" conscience you carry
with you - you know the ones, "I told you it was stupid, you didn't have a
chance, you should have listened but no, you had to be stubborn and try -
and see, you screwed up just like we said you would." Funny how those very
same people are the ones who also would say "I knew you could do it, didn't
doubt it for a minute". Isn't it amazing though, you only hear those words
AFTER the fact - doesn't that make you wonder sometimes?

All of this can be about you recovering from a financial disaster, deciding
to leave a "perfect" family life to start afresh - from your kids and close
family who not too long after will forget what it was all about since they
have decided to move on with their own lives then say "well you should have
followed your heart - I'm sorry". These people around you watching you
pursue a level of excellence that they can only dream about but that dream
also carries with it the possibility of complete and total disaster if it
doesn't materialize. You have a choice - believe them or believe in yourself
in whatever the challenge is that you are facing. Your alternative is to
roll over and die - be that physically, mentally, or spiritually.

So to offer a possible meaning of what the "test of faith" is - it is the
deepest and most poignant belief in yourself, the ability to accept reality
but at a level few can even imagine or comprehend. It is a belief that no
matter what the outcome of the path you have chosen, it will have been the
"right one for you". Win or lose, it is a path that by its very nature will
have had a positive effect on those around you whether you ever know that or
not - not because you have "won" but simply because you have "tried" - tried
against all odds, giving it everything you knew how to give, not for fame,
recognition, acceptance but JUST BECAUSE you wanted to, needed to, had to
all the while staying very cognizant of those very special people around you
no matter what they have said for it was all with the best of intentions and
"always" paying attention to the words, listening for the ones that help
guide you along your quest - whether those words are positive or negative at
first glance.

The "Test of Faith"? It's a "Test of Oneself" - reaching the inner sanctums
you didn't even know existed until you were tested. Travel this road and you
just might be surprised on how the world around you changes physically,
mentally, and spiritually.

Reach your destination and, I suggest, if you pay attention to your spirit
during your travels not only will you be able to appreciate your journey but
also know how to convey that strength and knowledge to those around you as
they pursue their own quest down that path. A path which few people
understand and for most, will be a lonely one until they too reach their
destination.

Written By: Karl Timmermans
October'2000 - All rights reserved
Email: Karl@Ktimmermans.com