The Games People Play

	As we prepare to celebrate the holiday season, and the many things it holds for 
each of us, and prepare for yet another year, I would like to do some reflection, and ask 
you to do the same.

	What exactly does the Christmas season mean to you?  For many of us, it is a 
religious holiday, celebrating the birth of our Saviour.  As such, is it not a time of 
Thanksgiving, for all the things we have in life, for life itself?  As such, it becomes a time 
of reflection, to think of all the wondrous things we have, we have received, we have 
done…  Or does it become a time to think back at all our decisions, to second guess them, 
to wish we had done something else, or attained something we did not?

	For a non Christian, I suspect it is just another pagan holiday that shuts the world 
down.  But from that respect, we all reap some benefits, don’t we?

	It seems so appropriate then, that someone, in their infinite wisdom way back 
when, started the new year after this reflective period, and thus the tradition of New 
Year’s Resolutions.

	Of course, the festive season has changed greatly over the years.  Now, mass 
merchandising has taken over, and if you don’t think deeply about the meaning of the 
season (for example, you are 6 years old), it is about presents and getting.  Our society, 
and the marketers, have taken over, and now play games with our minds, changing the 
very basic purpose of the season, changing the way we think and act.  We lose all respect 
for the true meaning, we lose our logical sense of budgeting, we forget that it is about 
giving, not receiving.  How did this happen?  And, why do we allow it to happen to us?
Did society change, allowing commercialism to take over, or did commercialization 
change society?  Sounds like another chicken vs the egg syndrome to me.

	The mixed emotions of the season create inner turmoil in some people reaching 
epic proportions.  The suicide rate skyrockets.  Immediately following this joyous season, 
now the consumer spending season of the year, the personal bankruptcy rates also rise.  A 
shift in consumer spending creates the need for dramatic changes to the employment 
rates, huge layoffs, business closures.  Where is the joy??????  And with all these effects, 
is it any wonder that we take this approach to our personal lives, as well?

	While playing games is not limited to this season, it would appear more prevalent, 
or in some cases, maybe we just are more cynical.  Relationships become strained, due to 
the added pressures of the commercialism, corporate worlds, and our changing values 
over time.  And for those in broken relationships, the emotions become drained.  Often 
times, we see, or take part in, practices that further remove us from the original intent of 
the season, create greater conflicts, and generally, just get caught up in the mindlessness 
of society.  Courtrooms across the land are filled with bitter, fighting adults, trying to 
show their love to children, trying to take away the “parental rights” of their one time 
partner.  And why do we do this????
	After more than two years since the physical separation between my wife and I, 
we have had many a battle pertaining to custody and access.  Yes, I am one of the 
fortunate ones, as I do get to split the holiday season with my children.  I also get to 
spend nearly 50% of the year with my sons.  But, why is it necessary to fight so bitterly, 
for what should truly be the best interests of the children?  Why cannot adults be adult 
about this, and once agreeing that a relationship between two people is over, work out a 
sensible, logical solution?  Why must we fight about every little issue and drag the 
children of divorce through the muddy waters?  Do we consider the effects of our actions 
on their naïve minds?  Do we take into account the financial positions of both parents, 
and make adjustments to allow them equal opportunities to share in the joyous season?  
Do we consider the removed families, the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?  
Should we?

	This is the first Christmas that we managed to agree, in advance, on the access 
schedule.  We managed to make that agreement, without lawyers and courts, last March, 
based on the errors of the first two years, the lessons learned.  We even managed a court 
document that finally assures the parties of future sharing agreements.  Of course, such 
agreement is only as good as the parties making and adhering to it.  Hopefully, in future, 
we can live by the decision, and not become mindless in our society, commercialized and 
warped to the true spirit of the season.  While it has been only one small step in the whole 
ongoing process, it has been a huge leap to the welfare of our sons.  And by agreeing in 
advance, it has also helped to reduce one aspect of the emotional stresses of the season.

	And that is the real world.  Emotionally, we are extremely fragile.  We perceive 
things.  That is part of the basic thought process, perception.  How we perceive things has 
a lot to do with what we know, how we learned.  It is about the feelings and emotions we 
use.  There are many fine lines and categories we use to decide how to understand one’s 
actions, thoughts, words…  Friendship can be perceived as love.  Love might be mistaken 
as lust.  Flirting might become harassment.  Who’s to say what the intent was, other than 
the person making the decision, or completing the action?  And what other factors are to 
be considered?

	Online relationships are more difficult to understand.  We lack the physical 
aspects of the conversation, or interaction.  We can’t see the twinkle in the eye, the smile 
or grin, the body motions.  We can’t hear the expression in the voice.  Sure, 
advancements are being made, voice chats, web cams, video chats, but can they replace 
the age old procedure of getting to know a person, seeing them in society, how they 
interact with others as well as yourself?  Knowing if they pick up their dirty socks, brush 
after meals…  and the list goes on.  Of course, whether online, or in person, anyone can 
“play” whoever they want to be.  But for what purpose?  And eventually, don’t we 
always learn the truth?

	As I reflect on my past years and prepare the future, I have one wish.  I wish that 
everyone could be honest and truthful.  I wish that through this approach, each and every 
one of us can find the joy in being, the “spirit” of the universe, happiness, contentment 
and ever lasting love.
	To one and all, a very safe and happy holiday season.  Be thankful for what you 
have, for one day it may not be there.  May you make tomorrow the best day of you life, 
and all the tomorrows even better.

Jeff Davis
December 23, 2000