Opening doors to within

        At the risk of being hypocritical, I, the non practicing RC attended a family Church function today, and was very touched by the sermon of the day, as it related to me in the same way as much of this past week's forum.  I learned a different perspective to many of the topics we have broached.  I have realized the need to have an "open heart", one that is sympathetic to others, and to the surroundings.  A closed heart is "dark", much like I know I have been over the past couple years, and I can only ASSUME is a familiar feeling for many of you.

        When we interact, we need to keep an "open heart" in order to understand those around us.  If we can be sympathetic to, or understanding of, the situations, emotions, and characteristics of the other people around us, we can be much more open to a relationship.  Isn't this much of what our recent forum discussions have revolved around?  Being open, to ourselves, and others.

        In terms of an "open heart" or mind, I think many of you might even agree with my posting regarding what I would do for a dream relationship….  Do a personal check and search, and be open to my own weaknesses and needs, be willing to share those with others, and in turn, to be sympathetic to the needs of others.  This openness would in turn allow others to form proper opinions (not just assumptions) of whom we are, and thus, maybe it IS possible to have a dream relationship.

        With a proper open heart, would it not then be easier to understand when to let go?  Would this type of thought allow us to know when a relationship just isn't going to work out, and allow us to guiltlessly walk away?  For, why should we be guilty when we have a firm understanding of the issues, and the abilities, or inabilities of the parties to fulfill them.  What purpose does this self inflicted pain have?  Why do we have to hurt in order to heal?

        Now, how do we create that openness?  One of the huge issues is the ME Society we live in.  Always fulfilling our wants, rather than our basic needs.  As eluded to in our postings this past week, the importance of the "things" in our life, as opposed to the necessities for basic existence, has led many of us to miss the true riches of human nature.  We WANT a new, sporty car, yet we NEED to be loved.  A back to basics approach, will allow us to do the soul searching, to ascertain our basic needs, and allow us to develop ways to meet those needs.  Do you know what your basic needs are?  Do you have a plan to fulfill them?

        The internet has opened a whole new possibility for us.  We can search for information, a date, a relationship…  But the internet "scene" is said to be full of liars and cheats.  Whether we speak in terms of live relationships, or internet relationships, if a person is open and honest, and can get the same from the other party, can we then be available and willing to have a dream relationship?  And once again, what is a dream relationship?  Can we turn it into a reality?  Can it last?

        If a relationship sours, or breaks up, and we want to "get over it", in our mind and our hearts, do we not need to first open our hearts?  Will the pain subside, once we understand our innermost feelings, our weaknesses, and what needs we did not fulfill?  And being sympathetic to the other person's needs, emotions, weaknesses, while understanding where we failed to fulfill them for that person, will certainly allow us to end a loving relationship, but maybe maintain a friendly relationship.

        To me, the whole purpose of this site, and the forum, is to be open.  Open to ourselves, and when appropriate, open ABOUT ourselves to others through the postings.  I have gained immense pleasure, and a deeper personal understanding from the many postings and comments.  I hope anyone reading through the site has an equal opportunity to do so.


Jeff Davis
December, 2000