The Meaning of True Friendship

Before we can have a friend - we have to understand what that means. Oh sure, we all have social circles of various sizes of people we off-handedly call"friends" simply as a matter of course and politeness. But what is a "True Friend"?

Is it someone who always agrees with you?
Is it simply just a person(s) that you go out and have a good time with?
Is it someone with whom you feel you "have to be" pleasant with?
Is it someone with whom you feel that you yourself cannot make any mistakes?
Is it someone whose feelings you never want to hurt?
Is it someone where you never provide opinions or questions for you think you will impose on them?
Is it simply someone who is "next door" to you or can you develop "true friendship" with people you've never personally met given our technological age?
Is it someone that we where we would stand-by and watch them drown because they didn't ask(or maybe didn't know enough or couldn't ask)?
Is it someone on whom you would never want to <impose> with your deepest fears, concerns,hopes, desires, dreams (as impossible as they may sound to most)because it's simply "not their problem"?

The list of questions could be added to considerably - perhaps we do that far too often with others for
the very reasons above (intentionally or un-intentionally). On the flip-side, just a sampling of the questions that you may ask yourself when your "true friend" does the above to you:

Why is my friend shutting me out?
Why is my friend not letting me help?
Why is my friend becoming so closed?
Do I stand back and watch until the damage is too great?

While asking questions are simple - perhaps the following proposed answers may help in a discussion:

A true friend will allow another to make mistakes - since learning on one's own is a /are lesson(s) that
no teacher - no classroom can ever provide no matter how much you try.

A true friend will step in to help EVEN at the risk of losing that very friendship since it may be years
(or never at all) when they realize what you've tried to do. A true friend will be willing to sacrifice their friendship with the other if it will ultimately help them but making those choices is always a gamble and being human - mistakes are inevitably made along the road - some which are never recoverable but
would you stop being a true friend to a new person because of a past mistake?

A true friend will "find a way" - help direct a mis-guided friend which can mean many different things.
Sometimes, it may be as simple as stepping back and letting someone else become their friend with
no further opinions/questions offered.

A "true friend" does not give up under any circumstances for a "true friend" represents a "love" which is inexplicable, un-serving, and may never be returned.

A "true friend' is someone you feel comfortable with during both your "darkest moments" and the "peak
of your happy times" being supportive in whatever way that means - from just sitting there saying nothing listening to you or being your loudest cheerleader.

So in ending, for this will continue in future topics - let me ask the following questions:

Is your most <significant other> a "true friend"?
If not, why not? Should they not be?
Are you not allowed to have more than one "true friend" for each person provides a different role and comfort in life?
Since most of us are likely parents (married, single, distant or otherwise) - would we EVER allow any of our kids to make <life-threatening> mistakes(stressing that the suggestion is that they all should be allowed to make their own mistakes)? Could any of our kids also not ultimately become a "true friend"?

When you sit back and look at your own life, what are your answers and why?
Perhaps it may be worthwhile to take a few moments(hours, weeks, whatever) to ponder your
answers during your silent times and maybe even talk about them with whomever your most significant other is at the moment in time.

Written by: Karl Timmermans
July '2000
Email: Karl@Ktimmermans.com