Marriage or the Morgue ?

"Point & Click" relationships cont'd

Welcome back if you have been away, and welcome if this it your first time here.

Some of you have followed this topic of "point & click" relationships, either because you have been in one or are perhaps in one now. I have mixed feelings about these relationships and I'm considering leaving the chat rooms after 2 failed "point & click" relationships. Actually I should in all fairness only count one, that being the one I actually traveled to meet the person in the real world. But I like my friends so maybe I'll just stop looking for love in the wrong place.

Since being a cyber junkie has led me into the depths of the ever popular meeting place, the almighty chat rooms, I've witnessed many a relationship blossom and fizzle out. It's oh so joyous to see two people pair up and cyber date. You watch the relationship grow, and witness the real time meetings being planned and carried out, and if you are fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time you'll get to hear about how wonderful that meeting was, or perhaps be invited to the wedding. What we very seldom hear about are those meetings that turn out to be nightmares. Do they happen? Of course they do and what kind of impact do they have on ones life?

I think it's absolutely wonderful when it all works out, and the love birds take that walk down the isle to the "institute" of marriage.....hahahaha. Yeah sometimes it's a wonderful ever lasting relationship, and others..... well institute is a kind adjective. I know several couples that have met online, married and at least one couple has had a child together.  And thank God they didn't name that child Dotcom Smith, or Mplayer Anderson.....hehehehe. But it's valid evidence that "point & click" relationships can work.

What I'm wondering at this point, after being dumped by my "LAST" cyber love, is how devastating can the effects of a "point & click" relationship gone sour be? Maybe some of you have experienced this already, and can offer your input in the forum. Speaking of my own experience which may sound familiar or "exact" to some, I thought I was in heaven!

Yep, walking on air, head in the clouds, and a heart overflowing with happiness. Then.......

CRASH, it all came tumbling down, and I was devastated.  This happens more often than the walk to the altar I do believe.

I don't think it's all that strange for someone to be absolutely heart broken, unable to eat or sleep for days, crying at the sound of certain songs, or deeply depressed when it things go sour. What happens when after a month you find yourself still crying, still not eating and sleeping and still wanting that "special" someone back? I can tell you first hand that this is not a healthy way to live life. The loss of sleep and nourishment alone can be devastating on the body. I look years older now, and the weight loss tends to worry relatives. For me it means I can get back in my 32" waist levis.....LOL.  But I'm ok and becoming more positive and upbeat as the days pass...... I think.

What happens though when someone isn't as strong as the majority of the online pack is? What happens when they can't bring themselves out of the depression? Contemplate these questions seriously if you are in this situation.  As I have spoken to one or two individuals that have had their hearts broken, and fallen into a deep depression, I've witnessed only a partial view of the devastating effects of a "point & click" relationship gone bad. Increased alcohol consumption, lack of dietary nourishment, weight loss, severe depression, and even talk of suicide. Have any of you known someone that has taken their own life over a love gone bad? Particularly a "point & click' relationship gone bad?

I for one have not witnessed such a devastating event, but I have been thanked by one individual for "saving her life", through many hours of sleep lost and missing work to be with her online and on the phone to make sure she was still with the living, and to assure her that everything would be alright in time. And yes, time heals all wounds, some quicker than others.

In closing out this editorial, I wish to offer my own opinion and possibly some helpful advice.

In my opinion, "point & click" relationships fill a need for everyone at some point. Be it getting away from the everyday stress of work or loneliness, or to search and find that special someone, or just to gather with friends (and I've met many online) and have a few laughs before the end of the day.

I would like to offer this piece of advice though, and you can take it or leave it, as it's only my opinion also. If you are one of the unfortunate that have had your heart broken in a "point & click" relationship, and you find yourself deeply depressed and possibly having thoughts of ending it all, seek some professional counseling! Turn off that damned computer, and get away from it for a few days or longer. Staring at the monitor, and seeing the name of the person that broke your heart on a daily basis can cause more damage emotionally and mentally than one might suspect, not to mention the physical damage one causes themselves by not eating and sleeping.

And last but not least..... take your time in those relationships! Really get to know the person before you start confessing your love for them. And be prepared! Yes be prepared, to have your heart broken, and pray that it doesn't. There's one really big difference between a personal relationship in real space and the one in "cyber space". There are thousands of lonely men and women online looking for something or someone. The choices are endless, and the possibility of losing that "special" someone in this writers opinion is far greater online than off line.

When you turn that computer off, you actually have to leave the house to find a small crowd of people to associate with, and you may not find that one select person you click with right off.

At home you boot up ..... "point & click" and it's party time! Hundreds of potential mates at your finger tips. But how well can you get to know someone without being with them or around them in person? And that picture you're sporting on your desktop, yeah that one there with the cute little hottie or the beefcake hunk in it,.... is that really what that person looks like? Won't know for sure till you meet them in person.

My last bit of free advice is this...... meet them before you decide you're in love with them! Don't get engaged online, only to find out that your partner does some disgusting things you just can't live with, by then it's too late to save yourself from the heartache of a "point & click" relationship gone bad.

Have a kind and gentle day ! Phil