Life's like that…

Or is it?

Do we have to settle for what life gives us, or do we have the ability to change it? Should we just accept what comes along?

Life is all about choices. We choose to accept or reject. Doing nothing is also a choice we make. For some, it is very difficult to accept what we are 'given', yet also very difficult to change it. Sometimes, we just need an ear to bend, or a friendly push to get us on the right track. For others, it seems we just need something to bitch about. But when it comes right down to it, we are the only ones that can make the difference.

Making choices is all about having goals. Without knowing where we want to be, we can't make the choices that will get us there. A big dilemma for many people would become what is the difference between needs and wants? What do you Need to be happy? Do you want more than you need? Most of us do, and that in itself is not a bad thing. But if you will only settle at the wants, will you ever achieve that happiness?

Needs are the basis of survival. Wants are the fads, window dressings and society enhancing things that we THINK we have to have. Keeping up with the Jones'. Do we need a significant other? Personally, I say yes. The question now becomes, what do we need in a significant other? Does he/she need to be good looking? Not unless your only need is to show off in front of everyone. Okay, so it is an added bonus if they are attractive. But what is attraction? Is it aesthetics? Maybe it is brains? Maybe it is brawn? Only you can decide what is attractive to you. When it comes to online relationships, attraction isn't aesthetics. And if it is, be ready for some major set backs. How many gorgeous blonde women or muscular men's pictures can you store and send from your computer? And how do you really know that is the picture of the person on the other end? Okay, so they used a famous person, and you caught the resemblance, you both laughed at the little joke, now, is the next one a real picture of them??????

Do you need a significant other who waits on you hand and foot? Oh, he is only a butler or she is only a chambermaid? I think the need is much deeper. It is about sharing your thoughts, dreams and goals. Having common interests, understanding each other (but first understanding yourself), sharing 'feelings' and emotions. Maybe that is what love is. I won't try to define love, because I honestly don't think I can. That doesn't mean I haven't felt it, maybe I just don't understand it. I think love is a lot of things, depending on whom you are, how well you know yourself.

Defining you personal needs and wants is a very important first step to finding happiness. With the needs list, you can quickly shorten the list of possible significant others. Yep, it is a checklist, a scoring system. The only way to have a chance at survival, is to know what your chances are for happiness. They can promise the world, but can they deliver? I don't think there is a clear-cut way of knowing that, but if you know the person, their needs and wants, you can make a more informed choice.
We need a home. She wants an ocean-side villa, he wants a penthouse condominium. Can they be happy in a town house? Do they have the means to see their dreams come true? Do they understand the difference between needs and wants? Do they know the difference between wants and dreams? Settling isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as one knows where to draw the line.

Drawing a line shouldn't become an impassable barrier. If we find that happy medium, between need and want, we can always strive to improve ourselves. Hey, five years in that townhouse, and we have moved up to a quiet family oriented neighbourhood with a comfortable side split…. And a two week cottage rental every summer. Okay, it isn't the ocean-side villa, but we don't pay the taxes, cut the grass, or worry about the upkeep. More time to enjoy the water, the mosquitoes, the relaxation. Does that make you happier?

Six years with the same company. How hum drum. But, you have a pension plan, a medical plan, and it helped pay for that side split and the vacation cottage… Doesn't sound all that bad to me. And you have had three promotions. Okay, so they just put you into a higher tax bracket. But you have plenty of food, lots of clothes, and a few nice evenings out each month. Does that mean you settled for less than you deserved? Or have you become a little complacent? Maybe just a little more concentration, a couple courses or training upgrades, and that big office at the end of the hall is yours. Then again, maybe you are truly comfortable with the lifestyle you have, who needs the added pressure of that supervisory position? Have you ever experienced an ulcer?

We are driven by many different desires. What is right for one may not be right for another. It all comes down to what makes you feel good. Most importantly, what makes you feel good about yourself. Some times, we just have to sit back, review those needs and wants, reconsider the importance of life, and all that it has given us. Some times, we need to make some changes.

So, how's life treating you? How are you treating life?

Jeff Davis
April, 2001