Dictionary definition – jealous

adj.1. Fearful or suspicious of being displaced by a rival in affection or favors.  2. Vindictive toward another because of supposed or actual rivalry. 3. Vigilant in guarding: to be jealous of a privilege.  4. Resulting or arising from jealousy: jealous fears.  5. Demanding exclusive worship and love: a jealous God.

adv.  jealousy  1. The state or quality of being jealous   2. The fact of being jealous.

Have you ever felt jealous?  Are you an extremely jealous person?

I have always thought that jealousy had more to do with envy toward what another individual possessed, mostly material things.  This dictionary definition has really got me thinking now.

I have never considered myself to be a jealous person, although I know some would disagree with me.  I never could quite understand how they could think that of me.  I have never been envious of what another individual possessed or was able to do.  I am quite pleased when someone obtains what he or she desires.  I know that if I want something that much, I will find of way to get it.  All depends on my ambition toward getting it.  So, looking at jealousy from that angle, NO, I am Not a jealous person…But this dictionary definition has thrown a whole different light on the subject.

The word ‘fearful’ ‘fears’ and ‘suspicious’ stand out at me significantly.  As much as the absence of the word ‘envy’.

 Let’s see what defines envy: n. 1. A feeling of resentment or discontent over another’s superior attainments, endowments, or possessions.  2. A desire to possess the goods of another.

So this brings us back to ‘fears’ and I will take the liberty of adding ‘insecurities’.  Many times I have witnessed jealousy as described in the definition above.  As the saying goes ‘Jealousy really can ‘rear it’s Ugly Head.’    * Vindictive * is a mild adj in many cases, some jealous individuals become downright evil! 

The dictionary says: vindictive adj.  1. Having a revengeful spirit.  2. Revengeful or spiteful in quality, character etc.

Just frequent any chatroom online where the same people meet day in and day out.  There are some people that sit in these rooms pretty well 24/7 everyday of their lives. It IS their lives.  Should a newcomer arrive and begin to receive attention from the opposite sex --- Look Out, Watch Your Back!  Yes, the word ‘vindictive’ is mild in comparison to what one can expect from these ‘regulars’.   So can we assume that these ‘regulars’ are insecure, perhaps lonely bitter people ‘guarding’ what they believe belongs to them?  They actually feel it is a ‘privilege’ to be ‘allowed’ to hang out in ‘their’ chatroom.  I am not suggesting that you will find this type of behavior only on the net, but I feel comfortable reporting on it from this venue because I have been there and experienced it firsthand.  I also noted that there was a ‘power struggle’ amongst  a few individuals of  'the crowd'…. while others would sit back and be satisfied just being ‘allowed’ to be ‘part of the crowd’.

Admittedly I do have some issues and insecurities I am dealing with (not quite ready to use the word Jealousy), but I cannot imagine going to the extremes these people do.  To purposely hurt another human being for any reason is not part of who I am.

According to this definition I am dealing with ‘jealousy’! ughhhhhhh! … Where did it come from?  I can tell you, it has arisen from certain incidences in my past. --- It is the ‘fear’ that some very unpleasant situations that happened in past relationships will be repeated.

The question now is:  Is ‘my’ jealousy any different than the jealousy found in the chatrooms? 

I would like to think so.  The difference being, is how I deal with the emotion, and I know I am dealing with it.  Like all bad habits, the first step is realizing you have a ‘problem’ and accepting that you do.  Secondly, you attempt to do something about it.

I do Not find it necessary to frequent chatrooms nor do I desire to be ‘one of the crowd’ to feel important.  I do not feel a need to be hateful and I do not feel compelled to hurt anyone.  I am quite aware of the problem and I am making every effort to overcome it.  (almost there too J ).

I also realize that unless I get this under control there is no hope to having a trusting relationship, unless it is with someone who totally understands the issue and is willing to make sacrifices to help me with it.  Otherwise, I must learn to accept that I am putting the relationship in jeopardy from the start.

So I suppose even though I took that little quiz the other day regarding ‘jealousy’ with the result that I was ‘one laid back lady’ ...  I will  have to accept by the above definition that I Am a ‘jealous’ person!  yuckkkkkk!  Are you??  If you would like to try the quiz  click here….

  Shan

© November 2001