Impacting Others

Do you think your existence matters to anyone else? Do you think that if you suddenly disappeared (either by choice or by death - doesn't matter) that anyone would notice? If you think that no one would notice, is it possible

Funny thing about life is that everything that you do and say affects another. Sometimes you have to be "hard" with the very person that you love to save their life. Sometimes not saying anything at all while being beside them says it all.

So the question then becomes "how are you impacting" another human being? Whether that's a sibling, significant other, friend - really not important.

One can go through life wanting to nice, be ever so polite, ever so friendly, always wanting to be accepted, always wanting to be the "good guy", the person who is always laughing but what happens when you run into someone in need? Is that always the right approach? Is there a time to be tough? Is there a time not to be "popular" for the sake of the other person?

For the most part, it's generally accepted that being gentle and soft is the correct way to go about helping another - not a theory I disagree with but when does that gentleness and kindness begin to "hurt" the other person? How long do you let them go through their trials and tribulations before you step in? Or do you ever? How many stories have we heard about people getting beaten up and people just "passed them by"?

The answers by many who "heard and/or watched" was that they "didn't want to get involved", "not my job", "not my place to intrude", "I might get hurt" (and the list goes on) as they watched another either inflict pain on themselves or have someone else inflict pain upon them.

It's so easy to always be in a "pleasant" environment - anyone can do that. How many of us say "you don't understand - just leave me be" but privately hope that "somebody" won't pay attention to the words and just press that little bit more hoping that they will get you to talk - to let you cry - to let it all out - to get you to go just that little bit extra.

May I suggest the following - "impacting others" is a delicate balance, a landmine zone of risk stemming all the way from "always intruding on another" to "letting another suffer" to "not helping another achieve what they deem impossible". On the opposite side it also encompasses getting a person to overcome their "perceived" limitations - you know the words "I can't do whatever "cause". Funny thing - there always seems to be a "cause" - it's a never-ending litany of reasons if one is determined to believe in their "limitations". By the same token, the greatest impact you can have on another is to step back, be "silent", let them "grow and make their own mistakes".

So how do you know when to do what and traverse that delicate balance? I will make one further suggestion - if what the other person is doing is "not" being "self-destructive" - you let them grow - mistakes and all - being there when they cry - never criticizing when they've made a mistake. If what they're doing is "hurting" them - and by that I will also include "on the road to giving up" - you step in even if it means that the only way to get them started again is to get them angry at you. Anger is a powerful emotion and properly directed can achieve some amazing results (it can also be an extremely destructive force but "anger and fear" will be a topic for another article).

As for seeing and watching someone with a "self-imposed" limitation of whatever kind and you truly see a capability in them that they don't see in themselves - I would suggest that if you are a "true friend" that you do not let up and push them using every technique available. You do not succumb to their reasons - you simply don't accept them. Sometimes that means being harsh and other times it just means grabbing them by the shoulders, looking them straight in the face and saying "I have faith in you - YOU CAN DO THIS - JUST TRY!!!!" and give them a hug.

So what does "Impacting Others" mean? Perhaps it's the purest form of "caring and love" when done sincerely for if we do not care we pass the other by - just think about how many times you passed a homeless person by on the street not even giving them a glance - do you even remember their face? Think about it.............

Written by: Karl Timmermans
Email: Karl@Ktimmermans.com
All rights reserved - Copyright: Mar'2001